Monday, November 07, 2005
Hey guys. I'm blogging.. yet nt blogging. Confused? dun be. Thr's nth to even WORTH being confused abt.
Actually i'm just penning dwn my tots on Wordpad. Nt on the blogger pg. Sum may ask y, well. It's just tt my modem is plucked out from it's comfortable place and safely secured sumwhr tt i have no idea either. AHH~ it's my dad. as owaes. since he decided to pluck out my modem every nite. tot i spend every of tt nite blogging, so i wun be bored by the drag of life and well.. tinking too much.. I'm starting to do tt anyway, owell.. CONTRADICTING EH?
Nth much happen to me lately. Nt tt i can tink of. Constantly avoiding stuff so i wun have to tink abt it and drop dead at the next sec.
Well, it's owaes the same old problem tt i have. bt i just couldn't solve it. Maybe to avoid is the best rite? Since u can solved it, and thr's no way tt u can join them. Best is avoid them? Yar. After a prayer meeting long time back. i decided nv to be the same again. I will just will nv be the same old Jed. Either i make it, or jolly well break it. who cares anyway? i'm sure non of u guys do. lol. Wif the rushing in life, surrounded by the rustle and bustle, who can realli take a backseat and start looking around instead? Well, i did. Sum of the problems r just not visible to the naked eye, bt i owaes decide to dig up the skeletons. Curiousity kills the cat? yar. tt happens to me countless times. Bt hey? wad meaning can thr be in life if u do nt desire to uncover it? Just lyk Adam, the fallen man in the bible. Y did his ate the apple tt Eve gave him? Even when God told him nt to eat the fruits from tt forbidden tree? Curiousity solves all ur ans. hahaha..
Jas tan once asked me. do u realli laugh when u type out 'haha'? well. come to tink of it. i typed it out when i feel it's amusing. bt then. it's just a way to hide from the past in my life. wif laughter i supposed.
Maybe i shouldn't be too curious in life, i dun wanna end up lyk Adam. He got into big time trouble after he ate the apple. Bt then, wifout curiousity. Life is meaningless ain it so?
Sumtimes when i'm alone. for sum reason. i will just end up screaming. in my heart tt is. silent scream~ woo.. eerie. U guys must be tinking tt Jed is realli a weird kid. bt tt's just my tots though. Tots wun hurt u. physically.
Alot of pple told me tt i'm so called very 'gum' wif all the pple i noe. As long as i see them once n they r willing to open up. I usually can realli treat them lyk old buddies even though i noe them lyk wad? few mins ago? Yar. since lyk i'm every1's 'best' fren, confidant.. blah blah blah.. bt it owaes come dwn to tis. i noe i written tis in my last entry.. bt it's just sth tt i wonder sumtimes. Who is my CONFIDANT? Spiritually, thr's God and all. Bt guys, let's be realistic here. Ya, I shared everything wif God. bt then, sumtimes. i just nid a sth more physical. as in thr tt i can realli see wif my eye. R u the one? R u? seriously, i dun even noe.
Yar, Bud, Derrick, Jes. i tink i realli noe u guys veri well. Even ur other brothers r envy of me. lol.. bt then. Just wanna pose a qns to u. Do u all noe me? lol.. guess nt.. sum pple sae. i'm just nt willing to share. well? i am. it's just whether u guys can find the way to me. Problematic kid eh? well. yes n no. just how u see it.
My life is kinda in a mess.. poly? my grades ain't doing well. the class peeps. well. they r kinda cool and all. bt then. i dun realli noe whether they r realli frens or just being thr cos bo pian. I just feel tt i done my part as a fren to them. My WG clan. yar. when u guys have a problem. i'm thr.. dun u guys feel tt way? i dunno. sumtimes i just feel tt it's my ability to being veri sensitive to pple who r nt doing well. bt then sumtimes. it's just paranoid yar? well. i do try. lyk u noe. sumtimes i will ask whether u guys have any problems in life. when u guys r feeling dwn wif the burden in life. i just kinda try to liften the burden and carry it for u. I TRIED. I REALLI DID. yar. come to tink of it. u guys have been wif me when i'm dwn too. For tt, i thk u all. Emi, Kat, Jem, Pk, Xy, Mag =D
I wanna be a gd testimony for Jesus in my poly life from now on. the start of sch. u guys. help me yea? thks.
Tkd. haahaha.. ironic. I felt tt i realli backslided from tkd oledi. Backslide is owaes a term in Christianity. bt then. lol.. i guess it can be used here too. well.. i dun tink it's other human factors. Lyk those tt tell me to make a choice and all. bt i just feel tt it's myself. Issit bcos of God? partly yes. bt then i just feel tt the problem is wif me. i just dun feel the same way i felt from tkd anymore. the passion of u noe.. Tore ur ligament. Twisted ankle. bt still wun put u dwn tt kind. well.. i just lost it. Stan, my bud and bro in Christ. Thks for being the true fren in tkd. Sum1 tt truely understands my life in between of God and passion of Tkd. i realli want to go back. bt then. i just dunno y i'm gg back for. For my instructors? for the medal? The glory and honour? well.. i didn't realli get to enjoy any of tis. lol.. it's just mean nth to me anymore. i will be back. just dunno when will i be truely ready to embark on another journey. Next yr Nationals together? Maybe~
Life in church. lol..I kinda the guy who onli noes how to encourage others. bt fail to do the same for myself. Well. wad is here tt i can tok abt? hmm.. oh yar. I'm trying to rise up by tis end of the yr, and the helpers r trying their best to help me. Well.. in case u guys r wondering wad the rising up means? Well.. it's just taking on more responsibility and realli start to takkiare of all those who r still young in their spiritual walk. We just try to realli be a servant of God by serving His pple. alrite? hahah.. it's kinda shocking to me when i first heard tt i was gg to rise up. happi la. bt shocked. cos i'm still kinda young in my walk and dunno alot of things bt now here i am. gg to be in between of the living and the dead. hahaha.. got tt from Andrew. anyway.. wad am i blabbing abt. Yar.. bt now i just starting to learn alot of new things abt God, as i do my qt. He just begin to reveal new things to me. when wad i shld do to help my bros and sis in Christ. So yar. i will continue to grow as much as i can.. just in case the fire burns dwn. even though i dun even tink i'm on fire in the first place. comparing to all those new in their walk, lyk Marshall and all. Just feel so dead compared to them. lol.. Unsatisfied i guess.
My family. well. wad can i sae. My dad dun even noe he has a son now. Now it's lyk sum weird stranger tt lives wif him tt's all. He onli has one daughter. lol.. Well, tt's kinda fine wif me. Since he wasn't thr when i needed him the most. i'm kinda alrite having one dad up thr then the present one rite in the face. lol.. Hahaha.. laughing and abt to break into tears at the same time.. woo.. i didn't noe i was capable of tt eh? Lol.. I'm constantly getting Manesseh from God. It's nt lyk u can get it once and forget abt it. U gotta kip renewing it in my life tt is. Since new hurt just kip coming into ur life. i'm on constant diet of Manesseh! lol.. u guys wonder wad's tt rite? well.. just check the bible guide thingy in my link. then search for it. shld have. =D Well, it just nt getting better.. When i have achievement. he wasn't thr to witness. he seem to be thr at my every failure though.. Bt hey.. i dun blame him. God puts him in my life for a reason. To realli stretch me and mould me yea? so owell. come wad may.
AM i realli 17 yrs old? i personally dun tink so. maybe bcos of all the misery and anguish i brought to the family. i just couldn't be trusted anymore.
Dun feel lyk writing anymore. Shall just end here. Bt pple. tink abt wad i have said alrite? Maybe u will uncover wad skeletons in the closet. bt hey. dun get too far tt u get suicidal.. i'm almost thr bt will nv do it. Just nt my style. beside my dad wun be happi also. The one up thr tt is. The one on Earth just wish my time will end asap. Owell. who cares? he oledi told me tt if i was gg to die. dun die in the hse or end up nt dying bt becoming a burden. lol.. who nids tis kind of father? i certainly dun. lol.. Chill guys. =/
Jed is nt real unless he tells u he is.
Jed walked through the seasons at